


We Shall Try Together

by thestrongeststars



Category: The Terror (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Literal ray of sunshine with sarcastic grump, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23182774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestrongeststars/pseuds/thestrongeststars
Summary: Dr. Alexander MacDonald can't guarantee much after the carnival fire, but he promises that he will be there with Stephen Stanley through it all, because they'll finish this expedition the same way they started - together.
Relationships: Dr Alexander McDonald/Dr Stephan S. Stanley, Dr Stephen S. Stanley/OFC
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28
Collections: The Terror Bingo (2019)





	We Shall Try Together

Alexander MacDonald drifted through the crowd, desperately searching for someone. He smelt the smoke and heard the flames crackling from behind him. Most of the men in the crowd looked numbly at the fire, mouths slightly agape and eyes glazed, not being able to process what they were seeing. MacDonald would be like that too if he didn’t have Stephen Stanley to look for. He saw Harry Goodsir and thought about asking him if he had seen him, but one look and MacDonald knew that he only had eyes for the woman - Lady Silence, who was covered in blood, but conscious and able to walk. MacDonald turned around and spotted the man he was looking for.  
  
“Stephen!” MacDonald said as he approached him. “Stephen.” He repeated much softer as he got closer. Stanley was sitting on a rock, his face devoid of any emotion. His face that had been painted white was now more black with soot and his clothes had some tears in them. MacDonald sat down beside him, gently grabbing his arm. Stanley slowly turned his head to face MacDonald, the same icy coldness in his eyes. After taking a moment to process the sight that was in front of him, the hard look began to soften. 

“You made it then.” Stanley said, voice barely above a whisper. MacDonald faintly smiled at him and nodded. 

“I’m glad to see that you made it, Stephen.” MacDonald said. Stanley slowly nodded and turned back to face the flames. MacDonald hesitated to try to pull him away physically and instead decided to try to get him to converse.

“Are you alright? You have a lot of soot on your face - has it interfered with your breathing?” MacDonald said and Stanley turned back to face him, shaking his head. “Your clothes are torn, would you like to go to the ships and change?” Another head shake. MacDonald stifled a frustrated groan and instead decided to reach for Stanley’s hand. “Then,” He said, his brown eyes meeting Stanley’s blue ones. There was a haunted look in them that MacDonald hated seeing - he had only seen it men before they went insane or died. “You are well?” Stanley neither shook his head or nodded. Instead, he looked down at their holding hands, fingers intertwining.

“What do we do now?” He said so quietly that MacDonald had to lean in to hear him.

“Well, I suppose we do the same thing we’ve always done. We’ll keep going on, South, and try to make it to the mainland. Help is on the way by now. After we make it down, we’ll find a way home.” He explained to Stanley patiently, with a slight frown on his face.

“Don’t you see it’s pointless?” Stanley snapped, pulling his hand out of MacDonald’s, a dangerous liveliness entering his eyes. “We have that - that thing hunting us, the cold, little food, and quite frankly, Alexander, I don’t trust half the men on this expedition. We won’t make it.” 

MacDonald watched Stanley take a couple of breaths before he put his hand on his shoulder. “You don’t know that. Do you?” Stanley didn’t meet his gaze and instead stared at the ground. He did shake his head and that gave MacDonald a bit of hope. “Stephen.” He said softly and Stanley looked up to meet his gaze, his eyes red-rimmed and wet. MacDonald gently smiled at him. 

“We’ll finish this the same way we started - together.” He promised. Stanley nodded, and the signs of madness faded away. MacDonald’s smile grew as he pulled him into a hug. He felt a great sense of contentment as he felt Stanley’s arms wrap around him, pulling him closer.

* * *

It just made sense, while they were hiking, to stay close to each other. They were no longer separated into two different ships and the men all stayed together any way in one large group. Alexander and Stephen often walked next to each other, discussing quietly the health of some of the men. Sometimes Neptune would walk beside them, happily wagging his tail and accepting the pets that they would give him, before trotting off to another group of men. Stephen wasn’t one for revealing much about his personal life, but he trusted Alexander with the more intimate details. He talked about his wife and daughter, both of them gone far too soon. 

“I wish I could have met your wife; she seems like she was quite the woman.” Alexander said one evening as they watched the sunset together. Neptune laid down beside him and accepted the rather absent-minded pets.

“That she was. She would’ve liked you, Alex.” Stephen said, looking down at his sketchbook he brought with him. “And I don’t say that lightly - she was more inclined to dislike people than to like them.” Alexander felt a great sense of pride at that and smiled. Stephen pulled a small painting, a loose page in his book out and gave it to him.  
  
It was a painting of a woman, in her late twenties to early thirties, with green eyes and long, thick blonde hair that went down past her shoulders. She was sitting down, and her hands rested on her large bump - obviously well along in pregnancy. She had a slight smile on her face, a look of contentment, a bright, healthy glow in her cheeks. He took notice of a few gray hairs, the lines at the edge of her eyes, the eyes not quite looking forward. She looked like a woman that was exhausted, but happy. There was a chain around her neck with a ring on it - her wedding band that her fingers had become too swollen to wear.  
  
“What was her name?” He asked and was surprised to feel the thick emotion at the back of his throat, as though he were lamenting a close friend. 

“Mary. Our daughter was named Emma.” Stephen said, slightly smiling. “I tried to get Mary to name our child, but she was adamant that I did. She threatened to give our child the initials ‘HMS’ if I didn’t.”   
  
“That’s almost as bad as having ‘SSS’ as your initials.” Alexander quipped as Stephen rolled his eyes. “Did you paint this yourself?” 

“No, it was one of her friends that did that.” Stephen said. A comfortable silence passed between them as Alexander kept observing the picture, trying to imagine what their child must’ve looked like. Slowly he gave back the portrait, smiling. “I’m pleased that she would’ve liked me.”  
Taking back the picture, Stephen nodded, a faint smile on his face. He tucked the picture back into his book and went back to watching the sunset, allowing Alexander to lean against him. They stayed that way until the pink and lavender tinctures faded and turned into a dark, starry night, the constellations above them waltzing across the sky. Alexander probably would’ve watched the stars anyway, with or without Stephen, but it was nicer to do so together, he thought multiple times as Stephen pointed out patterns that he would’ve otherwise missed.

* * *

Despite their closeness, they didn’t sleep together in the same tent. They would stay up late in one of their tents and usually around midnight, one of them would go back to their tent after wishing the other a goodnight. Stephen was up one night, reading his second novel of the night, when suddenly Alexander burst in his tent, hair ruffled and panting.

“I had a nightmare about you and I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” Alexander said, in between pants before Stephen could ask.

“Yes, Alex, I’m fine.” Stephen said, putting his novel down beside him. “Do you think you’ll be able to sleep now?” He asked after the panic left in Alexander’s eyes. The brown eyes that were usually warm with affection and a certain youthfulness were exhausted and Stephen noticed the dark circles underneath them. 

“To tell the truth, Stephen,” Alexander started slowly. “This isn’t the first nightmare I’ve had. This is the fifth night in a row.” Stephen raised his eyebrows at that, feeling a certain sort of worry that he hadn’t felt in a long time - the kind of worry he felt when Mary was bleeding profusely and when Emma’s fever persisted.

“Fifth night in a row? Alex, why didn’t you say something?” Stephen said and it took him by surprise when his voice wasn’t cold or dispassionate - like it was when he was talking to Collins or Morfin, but there was actually feeling. It must’ve been the time of day - he was exhausted and was starting to lose control over his voice.

Alexander rubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t want to concern you.”   
Stephen sighed at that and looked at the watch beside him, one of his few luxuries, and noticed it was now one in the morning. 

“You can sleep here, if you’d like.” Stephen said and it was Alexander’s turn to look surprised. “Just until the nightmares subside. A doctor needs his sleep, after all.” 

“How hypocritical of you, seeing that you were still up when I came in.” Alex quipped as he laid down beside Stephen, still trying to get underneath the rather small blanket and yet maintain some space. Stephen reached over to turn off his lantern before laying back down. He turned to face Alexander, yet he didn’t dare reach out for him. 

“Was that what your nightmare was about? Me not getting enough sleep?” He said, tone slightly teasing. He heard Alexander huff. 

“Probably better if I don’t talk about it.” A pause. “You don’t talk or move too much in your sleep, do you?” 

“No, and it doesn’t matter because it is a one time thing.” Stephen said, noticing that his voice wasn’t as firm as it should’ve been. The reply came back, equally unconvinced:

“Right.” 

It was not a one time thing. They ended up spending their nights the way they did their days - together.

* * *

Though, to be fair, they never did do more than just sleep together. It improved how they both sleep, even if it made it exponentially harder for either one to get up in the morning, watching the other sleep with their limbs tangled. After the first few times, they had stopped acting shocked if they woke up being embraced by the other one, it was just far too cold at night to not want the warmth that came with an embrace. There were a couple of times that Alexander woke up with his face nuzzled into Stephen’s chest or the crook of his neck. It secretly made him pleased that he should be so close to such an offstandish man.

One night, after Alexander had tried tending to Morfin (again), he returned to their tent (since when had it become ‘theirs?) to find Stephen sitting down, staring blankly at the lantern. “Stephen, are you alright?” He said quietly after a moment, being used to at least an acknowledgment of his arrival.

“I’m not good enough for you.” Stephen said quietly. Alexander frowned as he sat down beside him.

“What do you mean?” He asked. Stephen exasperatedly turned to face him and gave him a heartbreakingly fond look.

“It’s exactly what it sounds like, Alex. I don’t deserve you or our - our friendship.” Stephen’s face began to warm up, as he gestured to their makeshift bed (which really was just a bunch of furs and blankets on the ground). “I don’t deserve to be close to such a man that I couldn’t even be similar to. You’re intelligent, witty, very kind-hearted. I’m not worthy to be cared for by you.” Alexander began to smile and blush as he understood where this was going. 

“Oh, Stephen.” He interrupted. Stephen closed his mouth as Alexander gently caressed his cheek. Stephen blinked in surprise before leaning into it, his nose nuzzling into Alexander’s wrist. “What about this frightens you?”

“It reminds me of Mary. You remind me so very much of Mary, and I guess I just expect your fate to be the same - dead, and ultimately because of me.” Stephen admitted and Alexander’s smile widened, his brown eyes full of nothing but compassion.  
  
“It won’t, Stephen, remember? I promised you that we’d do this together and we’re not done. We’ve made it this far, and now we’ve got just a bit over 750 miles to Fort Resolution, and a lot less to the mainland. And I intend to reach it with you. We shall try together.” And to add extra emphasis, Alexander kissed him. He half expected Stephen to jerk out of it or to push him away, but he didn’t. Instead, he reciprocated it and pulled him closer.

* * *

They got the help they desperately needed from Sir John Ross. There was food, real food, medicine, beds. Everyone spent nearly a week sleeping and eating on the ship before returning to their duties. Of course, because of limited space, Alexander and Stephen were allowed to continue sharing quarters and nobody said anything. If they did, it usually ran along the lines of ‘those poor souls, they’ve been through so much together and need each other’. When they weren’t working, they often stood on deck, watching as Greenland came and went, and Ireland came and went, and as England came into sight. 

“It’s been four years since we’ve seen it.” Alexander murmured underneath his breath. Stephen stood beside him, maybe a bit too close, but no one was going to comment on it. 

“It’ll be quite the change.” Stephen said, his voice icy again, about as cold as the nightmare they had just managed to escape. It had been such a long time since Alexander heard that, it threw him off.

“What’s wrong, Stephen?” Alexander said, looking up at him. Stephen sighed and rested his elbows on the railing, leaning closer to Alexander. 

“Well, it’s just,” He said, pausing, wincing. “What about us?” There was a certain look in his eyes, a look full of love and yet fear. Alexander frowned at that. He honestly hadn’t thought too much about it. He didn’t think about it because he didn’t care, he just assumed that he and Stephen would continue to stay together. 

“Well,” Alexander began and stopped, thinking. “I have a cottage in Edinburgh, and my bed has room for two.” They both blushed at that and Alexander chuckled lightly. 

“There’s a huge difference between living together and whatever we were doing together while in the middle of nowhere.” Stephen said. Alexander raised an eyebrow at that. 

“And what difference would that be, might I ask?”

“I guess, we were just surviving together, but now we’re going to live together and try to live a civilian’s life on land.” Stephen shook his head. “I’ve been in wars and on expeditions for so long, I don’t know if I’ll adjust well.” He admitted. 

“I’ll take care of you.” Alexander promised, smiling and leaning on him. “This is sort of like an expedition - it’s new terrain for both of us. But, we shall try together.” He paused, watching Stephen’s face. “If you’d like.” Alexander added as there was still a look of uncertainty on his face. Stephen suddenly gave him a faint smile, his eyes lighting up with fondness. 

“I’d like to try together very much, Alex.” 

And in the moment, Alexander knew that everything would be just fine.


End file.
